Why You're A Terrible Person If You Like The Vintage Collection IMPERIAL GUNNER

One thing that sticks in my craw is the incessant seal barking and clapping over Hasbro’s The Vintage Collection’s Death Star Gunner figure. You know, the one based on the character from Rogue One. SPOILER ALERT: It is TERRIBLE! But more egregious than that is the acceptance that it fills the shoes of the classic 1985 The Power Of The Force Imperial Gunner figure. Would you believe that (GASP!) many collectors find it an acceptable counterpart? I will outline why I find these people deplorable Star Wars collectors*. (more….)

WHAT’S WRONG WITH THE FIGURE:

• It has a tiny head.
• It has dreadful articulation in the hips.
• It has a huge snorkel instead of an antenna on its helmet.
• It looks foolish in action-oriented poses.

WHY IT WILL NEVER SUFFICE AS THE MODERN COUNTERPART TO THE 1985 KENNER FIGURE:

• It has a RADIATION VEST, a trait exclusive to Death Star Gunners from Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope.
• It has a tiny head.
• It has dreadful articulation in the hips.
• It has a huge snorkel instead of an antenna on its helmet.
• It looks foolish in action-oriented poses.

WHY YOU’RE A TERRIBLE PERSON IF YOU LIKE THIS FIGURE*:

• You’ve accepted second-rate garbage as a viable counterpart to satisfy The Ninety Six.
• It has a tiny head.
• It has dreadful articulation in the hips.
• It has a huge snorkel instead of an antenna on its helmet.
• It looks foolish in action-oriented poses.

MY REQUEST TO HASBRO:

Please redo this figure using the body of an AT-ST Driver and then tool an all-new larger portrait with a notably reduced antenna on it.

*DISCLAIMER: Paul Harrison does not truly believe you’re a terrible or deplorable person if you like this figure. Have a wonderful day!

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